I'm Becoming The Woman That I Really Like | Sandy Esprit
Please read Sandy's story of discovering herself and her passions through different stages in her life. Sandy shares a great reminder that it's okay for life to change and what we want out of it to change as well. Enjoy reading!
My identity was defined the moment they placed my first born daughter on my chest. That moment shaped me to be the woman I am today and continue to aspire to be. I also have to give it up to the people who continue to believe in me and push me to be better, my village.
Here’s some background. My name is Sandy Esprit and I am a wife, stay at home mom, content creator, and the list goes on. Before all of that, I was Sandy Tropnas. I was raised in the church, raised in a very conservative family. I went to school, studied really hard, graduated and started working to pay off my student loans. Despite, the appearance of my success, I was unfulfilled, unhappy and miserable. I didn’t believe in myself and doubted myself a lot. In fact, I couldn’t make a decision without the approval of several people, literally. It was bad. But I just wanted to be a “good” girl.
I had dreams and aspirations of being a singer-songwriter just so that I could inspire others to be the best version of themselves. I didn’t want anyone else feeling the way I did. It really just sucked. Therapy was a taboo topic in my house, so it’s not like I could go there or else I’d have to admit I was crazy. That wasn’t happening. Mental health was not a topic that could be discussed growing up.
I got married in 2015, then in 2016 I got pregnant, in 2017 I gave birth to this human who completely changed my life. I remember being afraid of how I would do, all forty weeks of my pregnancy. Then she came along and just trusted me with her life. I whispered into her ear, “I got you, I got you” then gave her a kiss on that wet slimy head of hers. Right there, I just knew I had everything I needed to take care of her and bring out the best of her to the surface. I knew she was the safest around me and nobody could tell me different. I also knew who I was because of who she was. Everything else no longer was a priority.
I used to live to work. I lived for that paycheck. I wanted to work and prove myself to be a essential wherever I was. I always showed up on time, worked overtime if necessary, I did my best and gave a lot of my energy to places and moments that looking back didn’t really matter.
Now here I am on maternity leave and the more time I spent with her, the more I liked it. Some mothers look forward to going back to work, that wasn’t me. Some mothers have a job they actually like and want to go back to, I hated my job. It stressed me out and the peace I had being with my daughter made me realize I deserved better. I wanted better. I needed better. Not just for me but for my family.
So I decided I was not going to go back to work…full-time. We still needed some financial stability. But I couldn’t commit to that kind of stress full-time. I also looked into being a social media influencer. I didn’t know everything but as an influencer, I wanted to help people live a life that could make them feel good and fulfilled. I became a part-time tutor for high school students, and that gave me a taste for entrepreneurship. I liked it. It was scary but I made a leap and it paid off. I started writing songs for recording artists. Once again, very scary but it was a passion of mine and it paid off. Then I created social media content and got paid. The higher I jumped, the bigger the pay off.
Little by little, I was re-writing the rules of engagements as it pertained to my happiness. I knew that contrary to what I was told growing up, I could monetize my talents and gifts. God had a purpose when He gave me those aspirations. I had to use them. Every gift and talent that I possessed was an answer to prayer and a way for me to live the life I had often dreamed of but never really believed I was worthy of. Seeing these opportunities open for me gave me hope and allowed to become a better mother, wife and overall human being. That’s what I like best about this journey of mine. I’m becoming a woman that I really like.
~ Sandy Esprit